My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
