I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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