Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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