She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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