how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
that is very illegal...i love you.
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