can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
