I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i think we sleep fucked last night...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
