she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
