i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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