Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
