Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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