Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I deserve this hangover.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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