i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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