We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
