Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
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It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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