I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
