I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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