wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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