Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*