Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
