This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
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I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.