dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?