The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.