Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
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Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes