Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
