i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
