I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
