Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
