I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
