FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
