there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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