yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
