Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
