My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my being single is dangerous.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
