I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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