Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
jump out the window naked night went bad
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