Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The feeling are messing with the penis
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
