it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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