Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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