with your own penis?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
