I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I have post one night stand depression
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