did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
