we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
