Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
