I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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