i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
