Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
