Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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