Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
