i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
