I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
