I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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