the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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