bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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