I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
