I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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