We named our party play list daddy issues
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
there is glitter all over my balls
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
