I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
