I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
