I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
