I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
