I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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