so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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