You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
