Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
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Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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