she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
