The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
