Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
