Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
