I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
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One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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