I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
