I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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