you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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