I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
