took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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