Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
