fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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