Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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