youre lurking in front of me
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
