Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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