It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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