If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Even my vagina gasped.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
