Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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