So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im just a social blackout drinker.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
