I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
