Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
