I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize