just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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